Preface:

Jacob Wrestles with God

²² That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. ²³ After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. ²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

²⁹ Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

³⁰ So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

³¹ The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. ³² Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.

(GENESIS 32:22-32 NIV)

Messy Discipleship

There are several men in the Bible that I identify with – Job being the first, for having lived a life of tremendous loss & suffering, yet through all of it he never gave up on his faith in God.

I have JOB 13:15 tattooed on my shoulder, along with the image of a phoenix and two crossed olive branches below it.

Job’s life feels like my life. I long for the day I have someone to build a future and a family with – where we share in the joy of worshiping God & building a life that has meaning & purpose.

The second would be Jonah – Like him, I’ve tried to run from God’s pronouncement in my life so many times at this point, and it always ends the same – I come back from the consequences of trying to abandon God’s will in my life. I have the outline of a whale tattooed on my left ankle. Let me say this from personal experience – When God has called you, it is not optional for you to answer Him. It is a command.

If you have been called, then God’s will in your life and His purpose for you are non-negotiable and it will absolutely happen whether you are on board with it or not. I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately. When He calls you, you better listen. Or possibly end up like Jonah.

That brings me to Jacob.

Its his story I am exploring in the book “Limping with God” by Chad Bird. Jacob is a fascinating, complicated, and broken individual – He was a liar, a trickster, a selfishly ambitious man who fathered children with four women and led a dysfunctional family life. And in that amazing passage above, Jacob even fought with God…

Jacob also happened to be the one called by God to be the forefather of the God’s nation – Israel.

Why would God choose such a reprehensible person such as Jacob to found His nation? On a personal level why would God choose me? I certainly haven’t been called to found a nation. But we all have a place in God’s kingdom. We are, afterall, His children.

I don’t know the answer to those questions, but I suspect it has to do with the fact God loves to demonstrate His power and His glory (and His grace) through those who are the most broken and who are the weakest.

I wasn’t aware of Jacob’s story until a few days ago – I have only been studying the bible for about a year. I’m very fortunate (and blessed) but I certainly don’t know the Bible well, so Jacob’s story is a bit of a surprise for me.

So much of Jacob’s character is my own, pre-salvation & even post-salvation. I’ve indeed fought with God many times. I used to shout at God, “Why did you make me this way?” and even worse in my lowest moments.

I am human. But He is divine.

What I have found though, is that only when I have been absolutely broken by God, like Jacob, do I relent and accept his will.

All things are possible though Him.

If there’s any comfort for me to be found, it’s knowing that I’m not the only one to have acted in such a stubborn manner.

God often calls the most sinful, reprehensible, scoundrels of men – to do His greatest work. Moses was a murderer. Jacob wrestled with God. Jonah ran from God. David commits adultery with Bathsheba. And so on.

Even after Jonah delivered God’s message of mercy to the Ninevites, afterwards he called God’s decision “ra’ah” which translates to evil in Hebrew.

Considering the incredible pain & hardship I’ve been through, at least I can say that my faith & my belief in God is real. I may not like the present circumstances, but I refuse to believe even for a second that He will not eventually one day say to me, ‘The time has come my son.’

Here’s a pretty interesting fact for me – I have for at least the last 9 months (of the 13 since my salvation) walked with a limp. My number one way of dealing with stress and anxiety in my life is running – And for reasons only known to God, I have had that taken away from me for almost the entire period of my salvation due to multiple injuries to my left leg. A torn Achilles, a high ankle sprain, then a fractured tibia.

All of my coping mechanisms have been taken from me during the toughest time of my life – and I have walked with a limp since. Maybe what God is really saying is, ‘rely on me’. ‘I AM all you need.’

I can identify with this guy Jacob.